horseMEATNational Fly-Tipping Awards 2015Thanks to support from Channel 5 who will be filming the event for future broadcast, we can present the 2015 National Fly-Tipping Awards. Each year, we present awards to those who those who dump massive amounts of unwanted waste in farmer’s fields, roadsides, school playgrounds and people’s back gardens.Joining us on the judging panel this year is five-time previous winner Len Hacksaw. “I’ve dumped thousands of tons of industrial waste over the years and never got caught”, he boasts. “The best time to do it is the middle of the night. Not many people around.” Wise words.This year, the competition could be very close, as several hardcore fly-tippers are vying to be number one. The main contenders include Ken Deebly. His greatest achievement was to take tons of industrial sludge and bury it underground. However, it slowly seeped into a local sewer and eventually blocked it up, causing drains and toilets within a two mile radius to overflow and create a horrendous smell that lingered for weeks.Then we have Norman Smallpox. He was contracted to remove animal by-products from local abattoirs, but just dumped them in a local river. Not only did this kill off all the fish, but the sheer amount that he dumped caused the river to burst it’s banks and flood a nearby village. The amount of damage caused ran into millions of pounds.Also, another contender is Angus Rickshaw. He was contracted to dispose of thousands of tons of toxic chemicals. Instead of disposing of them correctly, he dumped them on school playing fields all over the North-West. Thousands of children fell seriously ill, but nobody could exactly figure out what was causing the epidemic.Who is likely to win. It’s going to be a close one. You’ll have just have wait and find out…Nigel Bookbinder at 12:25, October 10th 2015 | Blog My Blog | Trackback | Comments Off on National Fly-Tipping Awards 2015Sir Jimmy SandwichWhat a morning. I had just composed myself, and guess who blew into the office. It was Sir Jimmy Sandwich. He was sweating and out of breath, and looked like he had just run a marathon.“This is intolerable!!!” he yelled. I sat back for a second and asked “what is intolerable ?”“Don’t you know you retarded buffoon” he retorted.“Well, tell me…”, I said.“I am a from a respected family. I own estates in Norfolk, Suffolk and Essex. But people mistake me for Sir Jimmy Saville. People shout at me in the streets. Children were throwing cans and stones at me and shouting ‘pedo…pedo…kill the fucking pedo’. ”He continued “I tried to talk to one of these young chaps, but he got angry and started shouting ‘You fucking pedo’, and then he punched me in the face.”I tried to compose myself. In a situation like this, you have to make quick decisions. So I said, “excuse me