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Code, nerd culture and humor from Greg Knauss.Winter Fun!Jan302019Text VersionRejectedSep212018On September 12, 2018, Apple Inc. — you may have heard of them — held a big event at their Cupertino headquarters (Spanish for “What pert headquarters!”) to announce the latest models of their utterly beloved nightmare machine: the iPhone XR, the iPhone XS, and the iPhone XS Max. I’m seriously not making up that last one.On September 17, 2018, I updated Romantimatic — you have not heard of it — to work with these new models, and submitted it to the App Store, the only place to get appetizers for the iPhone. The App Store is managed by Apple and includes a fairly strict set of rules for the programs that are available through it, effectively giving Apple complete control over the expensive device their customers have purchased. Fun! This has previously caused some controversy in the fart app space.In the release details for the new version of the software, I included the following note:Added support for iPhone XR and iPhone XS Max.(The iPhone XS is the same size as the previous generation’s iPhone X, and so no updates for it were needed.)Apple responded with a rejection:They didn’t actually explain what was wrong, but developer-community scuttlebutt was that Apple prohibited mention of the new models of their delightfully buttery black obelisk of death in release notes until the phones were actually, y’know, released. Despite the fact that several white men with artfully casual jeans had spent hours talking about those very models the previous week, and the names were currently plastered all over apple.com, which is the “Web site” of a music company founded by the Beatles.So on September 18, 2018, I modified the release notes and resubmitted the app:Added support for theoretical new iPhones that can’t be mentioned in release notes even though they were announced at a huge event at Apple’s headquarters and are currently featured on Apple’s website.You’ll note that I didn’t mention the names “iPhone XR” or “iPhone XS Max.” However, Apple again responded with a rejection:Apple apparently considers referencing the devices that an application is designed to run on not relevant to its functionality.So on September 20, 2018, I squared my shoulders, modified the release notes again, and resubmitted the app:A change was made. We can’t tell you what the change was, because that’s disallowed by Section 2.3 of the Program License Agreement. But we can’t _not_ tell you what it was, because that’s disallowed by Section 2.3 of the App Store Review Guidelines. This leaves the app in a state of quantum indeterminacy, and the waveform can only collapse when someone doing App Store reviews stops observing it.Apple — sensing that I might not be taking the process seriously — responded with:You can literally hea
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