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Divorce Law and Child Custody
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Divorce Law – Grab a Tiger by the Tail
Divorce law,  particularly when children are involved, can be extremely acrimonious,  and it affects me the most on a personal level due in part the lawyer  becomes a therapist, too. I generally will not accept a case if the  client’s goal is to take the other party to task on every infraction.  For example, “S/he was a minute late dropping off the kids, I want you  to file a contempt of court motion.” I made the mistake once of  representing a good friend with his case, with a single child support  matter taking two years to resolve and the parties were constantly  trying to one-up the other.
I recently gave pro bono assistance to  a father who I saw in family court representing himself. I met with him  several times and gave advice on strategy and likely outcomes and the  best way to approach his case. The best information I can convey  sometimes is that the legal system is not about right or wrong but  whether conduct is lawful and if a court can provide any relief to an  aggrieved party. Other mantras I share are: you may never be vindicated,  particularly in family court; bad things happen to good people, life  isn’t always fair, mean people win sometimes; take the high road, live  well and put this behind you as soon as possible.
The father I am  helping finally heard and most importantly accepted what I had to say  including, put down your sword and extend an olive branch of peace. He  listened to my advice and let me know he has obtained what he wanted on  an informal basis while his next court date is pending. He understands  what he must accept and cannot control, as distasteful as it can be. He  recently called to tell me he will continue his case on his own because  he fears any change in the status quo will cause a contentious reaction  and since he is making forward progress he does not want to risk going  backwards.
I am so impressed by this gentleman who has already  raised two children who are adults now and he is beside himself that he  does not have the unfettered access to his two-year-old daughter that he  had with his grown kids. He is of modest means and education but I am  touched and moved by him each time we meet.
CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
A  court/judge has no interest in one’s personal affairs, of a civil  nature, until people cannot resolve a dispute on their own. Divorcing  parents are free to make whatever child custody arrangements they  choose, for the most part, and the court only gets involved if the  parents can’t agree.
Before I continue, its important to stress  that parents can, and do, say any defamatory and untrue remark about the  other with near impunity. Occasionally a judge may penalize a parent  for making demonstrably untrue accusations, but this is the exception  and not the rule and I hav